The Heart Never Dies
by Bobo
Summary: Van is working himself into depression, and total exhaustion. Can he keep himself alive incase he ever sees Hitomi again? Or will he be led to her because of what he is doing? *first chapter* Rated PG13 for future events.


The Heart Never Dies  
  
Bobo  
  
Fragile Eyes: Okay! I, Bobo, have decided to finally write a worth while Escaflowne fan fic! Yay! You know how everyone, but everyone writes fanfics about how Hitomi is devastated by something or other, and is trasported to Van, so he can lovingly care for her, and make her feel loved again? Well, I'm going to write one of those too... only different. This time it'll be Van who comes for love and comfort from Hitomi. EH? Eh? What do ya think? Am I insane? Will I even finish? Probably not, but oh well!  
  
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It was a stormy night out, and Van DeFanel, king of Fanelia, could not sleep. No matter what position he tried to sleep in, the comfort of sleep would not come to him. He looked outside, and deep into the storm that raged on. Misty rain drops fell heavily on his balcony, that had a view of the garden. However, you couldn't see the view due to the storm, for the fog was too thick.  
  
Sitting back down on his bed, he sighed heavily. The duty of the King had fallen heavily on his shoulders, and it was starting to push him into the ground. Putting a country back together after a devastating war was not an easy task, when you were their leader. Not that the people were causing any problems. They wanted to put the place back together almost more than Van did. But that was not what was worrying him, at that current moment in time.   
  
He was thinking of her. Hitomi. The girl from the Mystic Moon. How was she? Where was she? Did she think of him? Was she in love with someone else?  
  
It had been three years since he last saw her, when she returned to her home. And in three years, Van hadn't even thought of looking at another girl. He felt that as long as he lived, he would never love another woman nearly as strongly as he loved Hitomi.  
  
He fell back, onto the fluffy goose down matress, and sighed again. He wondered if sleep would ever come to him that night. Curling up on his side, he closed his hand around her pendant she'd given him, and closed his eyes.   
  
Finally letting himself fall into the deep rhythmic breathing of sleep, he drifted off into the conscious of his troubled, and weary mind.   
  
Waking up again, at some point in the night, Van violently tossed his body to the other side of the large bed. He looked out the window, barely noticing the still raging storm. He growled in annoyance at his inability to sleep that night.  
  
Eventually, he fell back asleep.   
  
Too many nights Van had had with barely enough sleep to go through the next day. His councillors were either too busy with business, or too blinded by business to notice that their young king was fading away.... Without an heir to the throne.  
  
The work, and the parties, and balls were physically draining. But the sleepless nights without Hitomi were emotionally draining. Van was so exhausted, he was running himself a marathon into depression. He needed a vacation. But he didn't have the time.  
  
Being the king, he had to be there for his people. They had to know he wasn't just sitting in the newly built palace, enjoying the luxury. Often, he went out and physically helped them out, building the houses burnt down, or giving out the staples to the homeless. In fact, one whole wing of the palace was filled up by the homeless stranded people of his city.  
  
The face of their king that his people saw, was not their real king. It was all an act that he kept up daily. He was losing himself inside, and yet he put on his facade, every day. It was for their own good... For Fanelia's own good.  
  
However, at his rate, he was going to hurt himself. One of these days he wouldn't be able to get up.   
  
Only one person noticed. And she wasn't going to watch Van do this to himself. He was too strong to let himself do this.  
  
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"GET OUT! Everyone OUT NOW!"  
  
The screaming could be heard down several corridors. The servants looked up, seeing an oncoming horde of assistants, and generals, and advisors being pushed out, single handedly. Surprisingly, it was not the voice of the King, but the voice of the young cat girl, always at his side.  
  
Merle's face was reddened in rage. Little did she know it would feel that good to yell at all of those un-caring bastards, who worried to much about too little things.   
  
She slammed the door immediately after the last one was out the door, clipping his sword hilt. Turning to face the king, she looked as if she was going to kill him... or something of the effect.  
  
For the first couple minutes of her on coming lecture, she paced about the room, muttering to herself. Van just sat at his desk, looking off into space, completely ignoring the rage in front of him, and the stacks of paper under his nose.  
  
Noticing his state, Merle walked up to the desk, leaned across it, and clapped her hands very hard, and very loud, right in Van's face. The young man jerked up in his seat, looking about, as if he'd just woken up.  
  
When he finally noticed Merle's presence, he jolted back in his chair again. She was in her walk-into-a-room-and-take-control mood.   
  
"Uhh... Am I in trouble, Merle?" He questioned, slightly shaken.  
  
She ground her teeth, and started tapping her foot.  
  
"What do YOU think?" She questioned, leaning forward, to emphasize her point. Van gulped.  
  
"Umm... What have I done, this time?" He took the first step into the lecture delicately. He didn't want to break the ice.   
  
Unfortunately, he did. And off Merle went.  
  
"WHAT did you do? What did you DO? THIS TIME?! What do you expect? Honestly, I DON'T know what to DO with you! You're gonna kill yourself! Not sleeping at night, working all day! You think I wouldn't notice?! First of all, I'm angry that you didn't tell me about it! The fact that you practically don't sleep isn't a MINOR thing you know!   
  
"SECOND, you know you are draining yourself. You will turn into a VEGETABLE at this rate! What good will you do then? How will Fanelia go on without a king? You have no heir, and you probably won't until.... Until..." Merle paused. An expression of sadness, and some loss came upon her face. "Until Hitomi comes back..." She finished quietly, barely even a whisper had it come out as.  
  
Van's look was even worse than Merle's. The deep loss had mixed in with wariness that had already been there, and sadness entered his face too. His body began to tremble, and his head heavily fell to the table, and lay lifelessly on top his arms. He would've cried if he wasn't too arrogant.   
  
But he was, and he didn't cry.   
  
Next Van knew, he was woken up by Merle, and was walking down the corridor to his bedroom. He didn't even remember crawling into bed, and falling asleep.   
  
He dreamt. Boy, did he dream. Van dreamt of everything, from a perfect Fanalia, to living with Hitomi by his side, as a simple farmer, with children of their own.   
  
That dream that he had of him and Hitomi living together woke him up. Before he opened his eyes, he thought he could still feel her with him. So warm. So close. But then his eyes opened. Hitomi wasn't there. No one was.   
  
He got up, and opened the curtains, and foolishly blinded himself in doing so. The sun was setting, and the light was coming right at him. He shielded his eyes, but then he saw something engulfed in the light.   
  
Taking his arms down, Van looked into the light. The figure was there, right before him. It was Hitomi. Engulfed by the light, she was there. Van fell down in surprise, knocking over a chair. And when he looked back up, Hitomi was gone, and he was in the shade of the railing on the balcony.   
  
After a moment of awe, and amazement, he snapped back into the real world of the living, when he heard voices and knocking coming from his door.   
  
Slowly, and painfully, Van got up, and answered the door.   
  
Two guards where there, obviously set to guard the doors, incase anyone tried to intervene with his very needed rest.   
  
"We were told to notify Lady Merle as soon as you awoke. Your Highness." The guard to his left bowed deeply, and left, scraping the floor. Van shook his head. He never liked the formalities of being the royal family.  
  
Before he went back in his room, he managed a quiet "thank you" to the guards. If he'd not gone in, they probably would've started going on about how they were in no need of thanks, and how just serving him was good enough, and so on.  
  
He sat back on his bed, but was soon up again. He went out onto his balcony, to get some fresh air. Not that it was.   
  
Because of the storm the previous night, the air was sticky. Not only that, but it was summer, and even though the sun was setting, the day's heat was still in the air, making it hot and sticky. Not a very pleasant day at all, especially when working on building, and repairing.   
  
Van bared the heat to watch the sun set for the day. He kept on thinking about Hitomi, and why he saw her in the light.   
  
"Great. I'm hallucinating. Just perfect..." Muttering to himself, he didn't notice Merle was behind him, holding a tray of food.   
  
"Ah-hem," Van whirled around to see who was there, but since he'd just woken up, it made his head spin, and he staggered. He tried to grab the chair that was supposed to be there, but when he found himself on the ground again, he realized he'd knocked it over the last time he fell.  
  
Merle, who was still standing and holding the tray, sighed and shook her head. She lay the tray down on one of the massive beside tables that matched the massive bed, and bent down to talk to him.  
  
"You shouldn't have done that, you know. Did you hurt yourself this time?"  
  
"No." Van's reply came as he stood up, and brushed himself off.  
  
"Well, you probably should get hurt, so maybe you'll remember the next time you try to do something that stupid." With hands on her hips, a light smile touched her lips. "Come on... Come here."   
  
Merle helped Van get back to his bed, and shoved the food in his face.  
  
"I..I'm not really hungry, Merle. Thanks though." He was hungry, he just didn't want to eat, that was all.  
  
"You're eating whether you want to or not. I'll make SURE of that."  
  
She pulled up a chair, and arrogantly sat down, glaring at him. Sometimes, her expression of love wasn't very loving.  
  
He ate. Well, he ate until she was satisfied enough. There was still food left on the tray when he was done, but Van did feel much better.   
  
"Okay, time to hit the bath!" Merle shoved him into his bathroom, and left to go get servants to fill the tub, briefly pausing to ask him if he wanted the water hot, warm, or cold. He chose warm.  
  
Minutes later, he was sitting all alone again, but this time he was in his bath. Quite refreshing, just sitting down, relaxing, and soaking up suds. Time to himself... Van had forgotten just how good it felt to be all alone once in a while.  
  
The bath led him into the later part of the night. Because he'd slept all day, he obviously wasn't going to sleep during the night. When he was finished, he got out, threw some new clothing on, and went out to wander the castle gardens in the cool darkness of a summer eve.  
  
Van walked around, looking at the blossoms which were currently in full bloom in the dark. He didn't bring a lantern, or torch, nor did he need one. The light from the Phantom Moon shone enough pure, cool light down onto Gaea.   
  
He finally found a little gazebo behind some shrubs, and rose bushes. It was quite cleverly hidden away.   
  
He stepped up into the gazebo, white with dark green trim, and sat on one of the benches that lined all sides of it. There, he thought some more.   
  
He began thinking about what he could do with some of the situations he was facing. Politics, a never ending soap opera. But eventually, everything went back to Hitomi. What would they say if he married Hitomi? How would she do as a Queen. Would the people of Fanelia be happy with his choice to help rule the country?   
  
Questions filled his head. Too many impossible questions, full of 'what if's' and 'how would's', a never ending cascade flew in.   
  
But Van would never wish more than just to be with her again. To see her sparkling emerald green eyes, looking his way. To hug her every day like he did the last time he saw her. The possibilities were endless.   
  
He turned his head, so he could clearly see the Phantom Moon in the sky. That was where Hitomi was, living out her life, with out him, and the rest of Fanelia. And as his thoughts continued inside him, he was so focussed that he didn't realize that the pendant still around his neck from the day she'd given it to him, was softly glowing.   
  
But that glow was not enough to say that she was coming back, or that he was going over there.   
  
Even still the glow was there, and so was the hope. The hope that one day near to come, that fate had chosen for them to see each other again.  
  
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Van had returned to his room later that night, or, early, very early that morning. He went to the kitchens, to find the cooks playing cards into the wee hours of the morning, and asked for some food. It had already been hours since he'd last eaten.   
  
Of course, the cooks were glad to cook something up to feed his young Majesty. They said they would make him his favourite meal, with a little extra of sweets on the side.  
  
Great, he thought, the whole place must be crawling with rumours of exhaustion, or depression, or something of the like.   
  
And, sure enough, the food came in minutes, and in seconds, he was downing it all, and this time, without Merle's glares, and death threats to make the food go down.  
  
The tray was empty, and the castle was starting to come alive again, even though the sun was still an hour or two away from rising. Servants scurried around the halls, going on about their own business, preparing for another busy on coming day.  
  
That morning, Van actually felt ready to take on his duties, and with style, and pride. He acknowledged his supervisors, and his generals, and invited them all to breakfast with him, to inform him of the goings about Fanelia.   
  
There was nothing really too serious, a couple protestors about something, another representative was in the city for some minuscule town on the outskirts of the country, and an invitation to go to Asturia for a ball. It was Millerna's birthday, and she was turning eighteen. The same age as him... And Hitomi.   
  
Deciding to go, Van asked for paper and ink. When he did this, Merle's eyes brightened. Van was making a comeback.   
  
He carried about his business throughout the day, and never once did he feel he had to shout or do something drastic. Things seemed to be going heading up.   
  
It was still about two months from the ball, so Van had plenty of time to go out and personally pick out a present or two for a close friend.   
  
Being the same age, and in the same position as he was, Millerna and Van had become close friends. Their countries had one of the best alliances that Gaea had seen for centuries.   
  
Both of them took turns inviting the other to come over. Last time Van had invited her to come over for an opening of the palace.   
  
Each time they did, they ended up sitting in a room late into the night, telling stories, and talking about the years back, when the whole planet was in war. They would talk about how dependant Millerna was on Allen, and how stubborn and stuck up Van was, and both would end up falling off their chairs laughing, or spilling their mulled wine while making gestures to emphasize the tale that was being told.  
  
Many people thought they were in love, but both knew that Van would only love one person, no matter how far away she was. And Millerna still had Dryden. He was off somewhere, being the merchant he was, and was doing what he did. Millerna got some of her letter carriers to hunt him down, with a letter on hand, of course.  
  
And, surprise, surprise, Dryden replied every letter she sent with one of his own. It was quite the long distance relationship. But they still loved each other, no matter how long it took Millerna to realize it.  
  
But that was beside the point. Van had to find a present. So, what would he get her this year? Well, that didn't matter at that point in the day.  
  
All though that day was going so well, Van needed a stress reliever. So, after some afternoon meetings, Van headed down to the arms master's arena. The one in the new palace was a nice size, placed in the back of the monstrous building, so it would seem less in the way of people visiting. Most royalty liked their formalities.   
  
When Van strolled happily into the arena, some men paused their fights to glance at him. In the past months, he had almost never been seen in that part of the castle. People had probably begun to worry.  
  
That didn't bother Van at the moment though. He needed to use the sword that always hung on his belt.   
  
Casually, he walked into the middle of the field, and raised his voice. "So, anyone fit to take on an un-fit king?" He said it lightly, meaning for it to be a joke. Thankfully, most of the master-at-arms there were also in good spirits.   
  
After a warm-up, Van ended up taking on half a dozen apprentices, some wanting the title master-at-arms, and some wanting to be welcomed into the knighthood.   
  
After a vigorous work out, all men associated with fighting Van, were sweaty, breathing quite heavily, and laughing over a few scrapes and bruises. All was good, and joyous.  
  
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Shattered Dreams: Well, that was quite interesting. I don't think I've ever written something like that all in one go on my computer. Normally, I feel I've accomplished more by writing by hand. Well, I am just full of surprises, even to me! I wonder what I'll do next chapter... Wait, I know! Just, please, be prepared for a little suffering. Hmm... I'll think this over a pot of green tea. 


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